Surviving Death of Sibling

Surviving Death of Sibling

Surviving the Death of a Sibling, When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies

Wray, T. J.





When T.J. Wray lost her 43-year-old brother, her grief was deep and enduring and, she soon discovered, not fully acknowledged. Despite the longevity of adult sibling relationships, surviving siblings are often made to feel as if their grief is somehow unwarranted. After all, when an adult sibling dies, he or she often leaves behind parents, a spouse, and even children—all of whom suffer a more socially recognized type of loss.

Based on the author’s own experiences, as well as those of many others, Surviving the Death of a Sibling helps adults who have lost a brother or sister to realize that they are not alone in their struggle. Just as important, it teaches them to understand the unique stages of their grieving process, offering practical and prescriptive advice for dealing with each stage.

In Surviving the Death of a Sibling, T.J. Wray discusses:

• Searching for and finding meaning in your sibling’s passing
• Using a grief journal to record your emotions
• Choosing a grief partner to help you through tough times
• Dealing with insensitive remarks made by others

Warm and personal, and a rich source of useful insights and coping strategies, Surviving the Death of a Sibling is a unique addition to the literature of bereavement.


“If you or someone you love has experienced the death of an adult sibling, then buy this book. Wray is a captivating story teller who weaves stories of herself and many other sibling grievers to bring clarity and understanding to the complex process of sibling grief. Insightful, consoling, and filled with helpful, proactive steps designed to help surviving siblings cope with their devastating loss, Surviving the Death of a Sibling is a “must read” for every surviving sibling.”
—Tom Golden LCSW, author of Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing and creator of


When I first read this book my own brother and only sibling had been dead for many years. During the course of those years I had read every grief book I could find, yet not one spoke directly to me or my situation like Dr. Wray’s book. As I read her book I was amazed at how her feelings following the death of her brother so paralleled my own feelings following the death of my brother. Losing a sibling is one of life’s greatest, and often, unrecognized losses. Although nothing can take away the sadness and the sense of unfairness that we feel when our brother or sister dies, Dr. Wray’s words help us to understand that we are not alone in our sorrow. Comfort comes from the knowledge that others share our pain, and as the book conveys, we, as surviving siblings are forever connected. Dr. Wray truly captures the essence of sibling loss and provides a framework for the stages of grief that a bereaved person typically goes through after the death of a loved one. I was captivated by the experiences of other surviving siblings whose stories are so beautifully woven by Dr. Wray throughout the book. Each chapter ends with a “What Helps” section containing many straightforward and practical suggestions for coping with grief. There is an excellent resource list at the end of the book. In addition to recommending the book to other bereaved siblings, I have also recommended it to anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. This book will be a treasure to all those who are suffering through grief!

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Barnes & Noble

When I lost my brother in a sudden motorcycle accident, I did not know how to grieve. I had never lost anyone that close to me before and I could not even identify the individual feelings that I was having. All though this book will never bring my precious younger brother back, it has helped to to understand my grief, realize that I have to “work” to get through it and most importantling, it has taught me how to grieve for him. This is a MUST READ for anyone that has lost an adult sibling!

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This book is also very good & helpful. It’s the only one I’ve found so far on living through grief when an adult brother or sister dies (which is also the subtitle of the book). I like that that its targeted that way. It has touched on things that I’m experiencing that no other book focussed on losing a parent, child, or spouse has expressed (and the ones on losing a sibling as a child I just couldn’t finish, it’s not the same) in quite the way I needed to hear it. [Like the, probably well-meaning, person who more or less said that since we lived so far apart & didn’t see each other often, it really shouldn’t be that bad for me — which comment literally left me gasping with pain. It really helped to know others have experienced such idiotic statements & that their reactions mirrored mine.:] I appreciated the experiences of other surviving siblings whose stories are woven into the book. The author also shared her pain and her road back, and thus gives hope that there is a road back for the rest of us who have also lost a deeply loved brother or sister. Each chapter ends with a “What Helps” section containing many straightforward and practical suggestions for coping with grief. There is also a good resource section at the end of the book.

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Posted on

February 17, 2015